Q: Doctor, should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?A: What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system.
Q: Doctor, how can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have a body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: Doctor, should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of the fruit a bit; you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: The heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up the heart will not make you live longer; that is like saying you can extend the life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Doctor, what are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!
A: Cannot think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!
Q: Doctor, is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for you're figure, explain whales to me.
A: If swimming is good for you're figure, explain whales to me.
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WARNING: Some portion of this post is blatant plagiarism and not intended to steal the thunder of any other wise men or women.
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